Tweak: Growing Up On Methamphetamines

Nic Sheff’s 2007 memoir, Tweak, focuses on Nic’s early 20s, during which he experienced two serious relapses and attempts to recover and remain clean from drugs. Throughout the narrative, Nic reflects on his troubled youth and his early history with drugs and alcohol. The memoir comprises his recollections of events that transpired over the course of a number of years. Nic narrates his struggles in the present tense, allowing the reader to experience the relapses and recoveries along with him.

Plot Summary

The memoir begins with an anecdote about Nic’s first experience with addictive substances at the age of 11, when, for the first time, he got black-out drunk. He also mentions that alcoholism runs in his family. Throughout his teen years, Nic continues to experiment with a variety of drugs, from pot and ecstasy to cocaine and heroin. Eventually, he becomes addicted to crystal meth, his drug of choice. By the time Nic reaches his early 20s, he has already gone through numerous treatment programs and experienced a number of relapses and recovery periods.  

Part 1 of Tweak focuses on how Nic became a drug addict, culminating at the peak of his drug use: His addiction to crystal meth. The author begins the story in San Francisco, at the time of his most recent relapse. He relapses because he is distraught over a toxic relationship with Zelda, an older woman and drug addict whom Nic has left behind in Los Angeles. Very quickly, Nic connects with an ex-lover and drug addict, Lauren, and befriends his dealer, Gack. Nic and Gack begin to deal and do drugs together regularly, and Nic’s drug use quickly spirals out of control. When Lauren overdoses and Gack’s plan to sell diluted drugs fails, Nic questions his return to drug use. He calls his sponsor in Los Angeles, Spencer, who convinces him to get clean.

Part 2 focuses on Nic’s slow and painful path to sobriety. He grapples with the 12-step program, mental illness, feelings of inadequacy, and his attempts to reunite with his broken family. His most persistent struggle is lack of faith in a higher power. Nic recognizes that faith is a crucial part of the 12-step program, a strategy that has helped him in the past, but he cannot manifest a genuine belief in a higher power. Despite making it to one year of sobriety, he continues to feel lost and anchorless.

Nic’s toxic relationship with Zelda also hinders Nic’s progress toward recovery. His obsession with her leads him away from the 12-step program, his friends, and his family. When Nic realizes that Zelda’s own recovery and sobriety is a lie, he relapses again. He uses heavily. After a near-death experience and a drug-fueled breakdown, Nic’s parents force him to enter another inpatient treatment program. Though Nic is initially unwilling and skeptical, he comes to trust in and benefit greatly from this dual-diagnosis program, which treats his addiction as well as the mental illness and trauma fueling it.

The memoir ends on a hopeful note, with Nic declaring that he has benefitted greatly from treatment. Nevertheless, in the Afterword, he confesses that he has relapsed since. Though the relapses did not involve hard drugs and he was able to seek help quickly, Nic acknowledges that he will always struggle with addiction and be an addict.