Say What You Will

Say What You Will is a 2014 work of young adult fiction by Cammie McGovern. A bildungsroman about the difficulty of being perceived as different or inferior, the story follows Amy, who was born with cerebral palsy. Unable to walk or talk without special equipment, and unable to emote normally, Amy makes great efforts to fit in at her high school despite her peers’ misinterpretations of her disability. In senior year, she gets two student aides to assist her with her daily routine. She becomes special friends with one of them, Matthew, a boy with obsessive-compulsive disorder who suffers from repetitive thoughts, neuroses, and smothering anxiety. Through their friendship and solidarity, the two teenagers broaden their conception of what it means to be a disabled subject.

The novel begins the summer before Amy’s final year of high school. After roughing it for the past three years in a school environment that is not disability-friendly, and having an adult to assist with carrying her school supplies, Amy wants to make life easier for herself. After meeting Matthew, who suggests that she get student aides rather than adults, she decides to get a group of classmates to increase the degree of socialization in her high school world.

During the summer before senior year, Amy sends out a host of emails asking for student helpers. She includes Matthew, who accepts despite being afraid of how she will perceive him. He has spent much of high school seeing Amy only from a distance or in brief interactions, sensing a peculiar familiarity. He knows she is a great writer, recalling reading her pieces for the literary magazine and noticing how they seemed to mirror his thoughts and experiences. Moreover, Matthew feels that Amy allows herself to be defined too much by her disability. He isn’t sure how to be responsible for her without the intimacy and consistency that he thinks one usually requires to care for a person in need.



As senior year progresses, Matthew realizes he has a crush on Amy. Conversely, Amy pays less attention to her other aides as she grows more in touch with Matthew. Matthew finds that being in Amy’s company relieves some of his obsessive-compulsive disorder symptoms; namely, the anxiety that plagues him. They both take care to account for each other’s conditions; for example, Amy initially does not make Matthew talk while they move between classes. As they become better friends, they learn to challenge and to help each other escape their comfort zones. This is especially hard for Matthew, who takes a while to accept the challenge to speak out and make mistakes. As the two realize they are falling in love, the world gets only more complicated as they realize that they are categorically considered outsiders by society. Being in love, even in friendship, brings a host of brand new difficulties.

When Amy leaves for college at Stanford, she finds out that she is pregnant. Although it is not Matthew’s child, he, nonetheless, stands with her through her gestation and delivery period, giving physical and emotional support until she puts the baby up for adoption. At Stanford, Amy feels isolated all over again. Unable to concentrate on her studies, she puts too much pressure on herself to excel. Matthew remains her cheerleader, pushing her through her first year at college.

The novel ends abruptly as both of the protagonists proclaim their love for each other. By bringing neither character’s story to a concrete end, Say What You Will suggests that all lives, disabled or not, take constant effort to maintain and improve. Disability is not an obstacle that one can overcome and then leave behind, but a sequence of challenges that define one as he or she passes through life. The novel vindicates these characters as they try their best to live with the conditions given to them.