On My Honor

On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer is a middle grade and young adult novel published in 1986. It was a Newberry Honor winner in 1987 and was also named an American Library Association Best Book for Young Adults. Bauer is a prolific writer who has written more than 80 books for young readers. In this novel, written in third-person omniscient point of view, she uses sparse language to deliver a profound message about honor, life, death, and friendship.

Plot Summary

Tony Zabrinsky and Joel Bates have been friends their whole lives. Tony’s mother has babysat Joel and his little brother, Bobby, for years. As they are growing up, Joel wonders why he stays friends with Tony because they are so different, but Joel enjoys that Tony is so adventurous and full of life. Mr. Bates, Joel’s father, is protective, constantly warning his children of potential dangers, and Joel is similar to his father in his worrisome nature. Tony, on the other hand, is brash and reckless, but he has a hidden vulnerability: He is terrified of the water and cannot swim.

When Tony suggests that they climb the park bluffs at Starved Rock State Park, Joel is scared, but rather than admit this, he asks his father if he can ride his bike to the park, predicting that his father will not grant him permission. His father allows him on the condition that he doesn’t go anywhere other than the park. Joel lies, promising on his honor that he will go nowhere else.

On their way to the park, the boys stop by the Vermillion River, and Tony has another idea: to swim in the river. Joel believes this is safer than climbing the bluffs, so he hesitantly follows Tony into the water although he knows the river is dangerous. After an argument and a dare lead to a race to the sandbar, Joel realizes that Tony has gone under the water. Joel dives into the water to search for Tony but nearly drowns as he is caught in the river’s strong, whirling current. Unable to find Tony, he enlists the help of two teenagers he encounters on the highway, but they are unable to save Tony. Tony drowns, and Joel feels he is to blame.

After coming up with a plan to avoid confessing to the adults that Tony drowned due to the boys’ disobedience, Joel listlessly goes about his day, hiding in his room for hours to avoid having to tell anyone what happened. After nervously speaking with his parents and lying about what he did that day and where Tony is, Joel goes on his paper route alongside his four-year-old brother, Bobby. Bobby, whom Joel describes as a childish nuisance, notices very quickly that his brother is not acting like himself. Joel attempts to act normal, but he nearly breaks down and confesses as his guilt mounts and his grief overwhelms him. He lies to his father, his mother, and the Zabrinskys about what happened, claiming that he came back early because he was tired and Tony went riding to the park without him.

Later that evening, when the police arrive at the Zabrinskys’ home, Joel runs over to try to tell them what happened first. He is too late and walks over anxiously with his father, fearing the consequences. When Joel sees the Zabrinskys’ pain and suffering as they learn of Tony’s death, he is filled with anger toward his father.

The accumulation of lies demonstrates how people’s deceptions separate them from each other and cause spiritual desolation and despair. Joel cannot be redeemed, or released from his guilt, until he confesses to his father about his disobedience. With flourishes of poetic and metaphorical language amid an otherwise sparse style, the author illustrates how Joel’s guilt traps him. Once he sees that he will not be punished, he can grieve. His father does not punish him because he recognizes that the consequences of that day are their own punishment.

While Joel’s father comforts him as a child who needs his father, he releases him to his bed without lying to him when Joel asks what happens after death. With unconditional love and wisdom, Joel’s father shows him what true honor entails: honesty. Joel learns a terrible lesson about keeping his word, and his father shows him that no matter what, he will always have him by his side. The story is both a tragedy and a coming-of-age novel: Joel is growing up and beginning to understand that life is not black and white and that some questions have no answers. The universal questions Joel poses to his father close the story’s arc on a statement about the nature of death and how one can learn from death to live life more fully, truthfully, and lovingly.