Makes Me Wanna Holler

McCall feared that he’d ended up with a woman so desperate to find a decent black man that she’d trapped him with a pregnancy. Because they weren’t married, he ensured no one at work knew of Debbie or Ian: “The establishment considered such arrangements ‘illegitimate’” (311). McCall was dogged by self-doubts that his reluctance to form a family with Debbie was due to an imbalance on his part, but he still couldn’t bring himself to “legitimize” the situation. Further complicating the situation, Debbie began lashing out physically during arguments with McCall. As an ex-felon, it was dangerous for him to be in such situations. The system would be biased towards him from the get-go and he’d lose everything he worked for. McCall moved out.

He began dating again, but developed a disturbing pattern: “I met nice, intelligent sisters I liked a lot. We dated, but when they wanted to take the relationship to another level, I got scared and moved on” (315). He realized that in his self-rehabilitation, he’d learned to believe in himself, but not in others. Then, McCall relapsed. He began spending more time with Debbie. In December 1984, despite her again claiming to have been on birth control, Debbie told McCall she was again pregnant with his child.