If I Was Your Girl

As the novel opens, Amanda is searching for a way to reconcile her identity with a sense of belonging. She was born a boy, but ever since she was little, she has identified as a girl. This feeling of disconnect between her physical body and her inner self made her feel like she doesn’t belong anywhere. At school, she was violently bullied by her peers, and at home, her dad pushed her to play baseball and be more masculine. The only time she found refuge and a sense of belonging was while reading or playing video games because she could pretend that she existed openly as a girl in these fictional worlds.

Amanda’s unfulfilled search for belonging causes her to attempt suicide because she feels like she’ll never be able to connect with the people around her, and she fears growing into a man. This unsuccessful attempt becomes the catalyst that allows Amanda to be honest about her identity with her mother. Her mother’s acceptance of her identity enables her to feel a sense of belonging for the first time. This initial acceptance gives Amanda the courage to start hormone therapy and undergo transition surgery.

After Amanda’s surgery and hormone therapy, she finally feels like her outward body matches who she identifies with on the inside, giving her the confidence to fully be herself when she attends the new high school.