Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close

Sow and Friedman share that they became extremely attached to each other within months of their initial meeting. They introduce attachment theory, which is typically used to describe child-parent bonding. Sow and Friedman reference communications professor Emily Langan, whose dissertation explored whether attachment theory could be applied to platonic relationships. Langan found that securely attached friendships exhibit the same characteristics as stable families: These friends desire closeness, act as secure bases from which to explore life’s challenges, and provide safe harbors in times of distress. Sow and Friedman say that these descriptions all resonate with their experience of their Big Friendship.

The authors outline how their friendship offered the emotional intimacy and security missing from other areas of their lives. For Ann, her relationship with Sow allowed her to reconsider her long-term romantic relationship, providing her the courage to end it. Friedman knew she would not be lonely or unsupported thanks to the solid base of her friendship with Sow. Similarly, Sow found in Ann a person who accepted her emotional vulnerability. Sow and Friedman’s friendship provided Sow a space in which she felt her emotions would not scare her friend away. This challenged Sow’s previous belief that strong displays of emotion were undesirable.